Half Way Through January

Nothing much has really changed at this point, I'm kind of the same and I haven't made much progress in that direction, besides I've cut down on the baby voice thing a bit (I still catch myself doing it from time to time). So I thought I ought to at least let you guys know that things are going pretty damn slow.

It's good to be back in SAGNASTY, I missed my college buddies. It's the first week of class and my classes are great.

And then....

FLAT FUCKING TIRE, right when I was getting back to drive back to campus. -Sigh- But whatever, I'm discouraged but it could be worse I guess. But I suppose I blame the dill weed that didn't put a 175/70R14 on my car but instead but something "LIKE" it...note to self... the wrong tire will mess up the WHOLE AXLE SYSTEM... and my ball joint is still fucked.

But to something of relevance to the blog, another exercise?

Exercise 2

Defining Moments in Your Good Girl History

This particular activity is basically you thinking about all the times that your inner bad girl was not encouraged, moments in your life were your sexuality was derailed, shot down, and set aside. So allow me to give you a good examples of my personal experiences with this.

The Talk:

Technically this wasn't about the "Birds and the Bees" this was a three hour discussion with my father about "Good Girls and Bad Girls" (ironic right?) We sat in the kitchen and I listened to him talk about his college years and how he treated women.  He told me that I wanted to be a good girl because they aren't easy and men "RESPECT" that. So as all this filtered into my mind, I didn't want to be considered easy, trampish, or a floozy. There is some truth to this however... if you think "RESPECT" is for a man to think you are a prude... yeah sure.

Masturbation is BAD?!:

Now I've always known that it's not exactly smiled on, but I've always considered it natural. However this is something I wouldn't go around telling anyone that I did. Then in high school, my ex-boyfriend decided to write me a letter, telling my INTIMATE details on how I "fingered myself" and showed it to the girls in my class. It had some other things in the letter, but this was probably the most humiliating thing I had to experience. One of them even looked at me with this nasty look and said "That's just trifling, I don't want her touching me."

Lost Virginity:

As most some often do, loose their virginity in college. I did. At 18 yrs old and I did eventually tell my mom this. She wasn't really mad or anything but she's been keeping it a secret so that no one knows and still thinks I'm a virgin. This upset me more than it did initially, it meant that in her eyes I was still a little girl and that everyone around her thinks I am too. Even at 21, people think I'm STILL a virgin.

There are plenty of other examples I've written down but those are for me so, I'm not going to share everything in my book. The point of this activity is for you to realize that times when your sexuality has been oppressed and possibly express how you feel about it. It wasn't really a fun activity for me having to dig up old emotions and experiences I've sort of pushed out of my mind. But it at least helps me to acknowledge it.